Presenting problem: shyness
One session only
Andrea's presenting issue was shyness – although she wasn’t sure that was exactly the right description of the problem. She had previously seen a counsellor, which had been useful in helping her not to see another’s unfriendly behaviour as necessarily personal against her.
We found that the issue wasn’t so much shyness as embarrassment. If she wasn’t concerned about feeling embarrassed she wouldn’t be shy. She would become embarrassed in group situations when she felt the centre of attention. Embarrassment would produce the fight-or-flight response in her, leaving her unable to think clearly or contribute in a group.
The embarrassed feelings derived from a time when she was eight years old and boys at school would pull up the skirts of all the girls in the class. This suggested the embarrassment was connected with her body. Even in the present she would feel negatively judged when wearing a bikini, for example.
We applied the Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT) to process these feelings. Afterwards, Andrea muscle tested positively about being proud of her body and comfortable in her bikini.
In the present the bad feelings had mostly quelled but there was still some embarrassment left. In group situations Andrea was worried about getting the answer wrong and consequently being disapproved of and not liked. I muscle tested her for statements such as ‘It’s okay if some people don’t like me’; and ‘It’s okay if some people don’t approve of me’. The results were negative – in other words, each statement was stressful to her. But muscle testing proved positive for the statements ‘I approve of myself’; ‘I like myself’. (These positive tests suggested to me that the remainder of our task would be straightforward.)
I explained that, as long as everyone likes us or approves of us we can’t be doing anything very significant or interesting. I suggested that it was more important for her to be herself and express herself than to be liked and approved of. She agreed.
We re-tested the two statements which she had previously stressed her body. This time her body responded positively. I asked how she felt if she imagined being in a group with the spotlight on her. She said she felt comfortable. I suggested that this woman didn’t approve of how she looked; this man didn’t approve of what she said; this woman didn’t like her. Andrea wasn’t bothered. There was no feeling of embarrassment.