Presenting problem: anxiety about her health
A few years ago Joan had had a successful operation to remove a cancer. In her rational mind, she believed she was now safe from cancer.
However, she had become increasing anxious about her health (which, in reality, she knew was not a problem). Stressful external events would make her withdraw and retreat inside herself to a state of 'suspended animation'. In this space she would continually examine the state of health of her body.
Most of the stresses related to family issues, and it seemed that Joan was overly bound up with and affected by things that were happening to her family. She was also very stressed about the prospect of moving house and getting on with her life following her illness.
Joan was aware of her young inner child needing to be looked after. I asked the age of the child. Five or six, she said.
Then she recalled an incident at school, when, along with a number of her classmates, she had been hit with a ruler by the teacher for failing a task. Joan had been off school in the days before the task, and so had no prospect of succeeding in the task. She had a vague sense of injustice and confusion; but, stronger, was a sense of shame and fear. She didn't recall ever being angry as a child and certainly did not question authority.
We did Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT) on the fear and shame. She related that, before being hit, she had dissociated herself: retreating from the present circumstance to a safe, inner space. Then Joan realized that the place she retreated to when examining the health of her body was the same place as the one she had created to escape to as a child about to receive punishment. She also realized that her fears about present losses were reminiscent of this fear of being hit.
I suggested we do EFT on 'I feel frightened and not here [not present] . . .' But she couldn't do it. She realized she didn't want to be annihilated by another human being. She couldn't do EFT because she believed that 'nothing can change'.
We did EFT on 'Even though I feel that nothing can change . . . I choose to allow change to happen.' This was powerful for Joan, because she realized that the young inner child was afraid of initiating change. Worse than that: she can't initiate change; she can't initiate anything.
After the EFT she thought the teacher was a silly old fool (but very it very rude of her to think this). Immediately she was unable to recall how she felt when she was hit [this happens automatically after a trauma has been successfully processed].
She realized that she needed the dictates of authority because she wasn't able to initiate anything. She required authority to give a 'frame' for her life. Questioning authority never entered her head. How could it, when the very impulse of life seemed to depend on it? She what could she do when faced with arbitrary authority imposing itself unjustly? She couldn't question authority; but she knew she had done nothing wrong. She had no choice but to retreat, withdraw to a private, secluded place, outside of reality.
We did TAT on the difficulty of initiating anything.
If she was unable to initiate anything, what about desire? She had believed it unsafe to want things (apart from books to read).
This all explained why Joan was emotionally so bound up with her family. Not able to desire or initiate [in certain respects], she must live vicariously. It also explains why the pressures of moving house and getting on with her life were so stressful – and why she would travel to this secluded place inside.